Showing my work: Creativity after the Capitol

This last week was a difficult one for creativity.  It was difficult for democracy above all else, and for me, that translated to a lot of internal work to emotionally process it.  

For the first time since I started the writing component of this project, I did not want to engage it.  I wrote two scenes at the start of last week, all signs pointing to my usual level of productivity.  But as events unfolded on Wednesday at the capitol building, the threat to our democracy was truly the only thing my heart had the space to think about.  I tweeted, I texted, I lost myself in media, admittedly more than I should have, and tried to breathe in between.  When I thought about the writing I had scheduled for Wednesday night, I just couldn't go there.  I needed to be a part of the events that were unfolding in real time and not just lose myself in fiction.  I meditated before bed, and hoped for a re-set for my creativity in the morning.

Early morning yoga, more meditation, and a really heavy session with my therapist exploring more of my feelings still didn't get me there. 

More yoga, more meditation, a walk outside, intensive cleaning to clear my space after clearing my head, two hours on the phone with my bestie, and time with my friends on a Zoom call over the weekend didn't get me there either.

Monday rolled around and I still wasn't there.  The gray days of January weren't any help either.  As if she was reading my mind, Greta had sent me an encouraging note with a "Writing Sprint Warrior" sticker in it.  It made me smile.  It made me commit to logging on with her for sprints that night.  But my heart still wasn't there.  I wrote 1,000 words on Monday but didn't finish the scene.  I went to bed feeling down on myself for being behind schedule.

Coincidentally, I've also been considering hiring a life coach for some career related "stuff" and so while all of the above was happening, I also was exploring podcasts, articles, websites, classes, and guidebooks.  I ended up spending yesterday afternoon refreshing myself on my MBTI traits (I'm a Campaigner/ENFP and have been consistently since I first took the test when I was 18.)  By the time evening rolled around, I was ready to finish that scene from Monday.  I sat down and wrote over 2,000 words last night.  When I went to bed, I felt really satisfied with the work I'd done.

As I thought about what to post this week, that idea of "work" kept coming back to me, and it strikes me even more now that I see all of the above in writing.  I may not have been churning out a word count related to my story, but man did I put in a lot of INTERNAL work this last seven days.  All of the things I was doing to refill my soul were critical so that I could move out of the secondary trauma of what happened and into a space of safety for creativity.  

The great news is, as my camp friend Brooke just reminded me, there is no time limit on creativity!  

But beyond creativity...if like me, you found yourself needing time to process what happened last week, please know that the work you are doing internally is just as important as anything else you need to do.  Be kind to yourself.  Be there for yourself.  If you show up for you, then you can show up for everything else you need to do. 

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